The Bos\’un Locker

During times of war and during times of peace, we must prepare for tomorrow with the realities of today.

U.S.S. Clinton Launched

Posted by thebosun on August 14, 2006

Hat tip to Hannity Forum.  This post comes courtesy of Nice Doggie.Net. Filed under: Satire (At Nice Doggie’s Website) 

DISCLAIMER: The different points of views on Nice Doggie.Net’s Blog are not supported nor do they reflect the views and beliefs of the Bosun Locker or any entity affiliated with the Bosun Locker.

I did not think this one up.  I had to share this Sunday Monday Funnies.  Thank you Democrats for supplying humor and laughter in this sad world. 

Huge Hat Tip and Ambassadorial Bow to my buddy Guido Cabrone–thanks Bro’

US Navy welcomes the USS Bill Clinton
Sunday July 2nd’ 06 Vancouver BC Headed for Seattle,WA.

The US Navy welcomed the latest member of its fleet today.


The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver, BC.

The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton “for his foresight in military budget cuts” and his conduct while president. The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck but form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20 person crew is completely diversified and includes members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation. This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs.

An on board Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.

The ship’s purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense – but instead in times of conflict the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada. The ship may be positioned near the Democratic National Party Headquarters for photo-ops and can be used extensively for social experimentation, and whatever other worthless jobs, the ex-commander-in-chief and his wife can think of.

It is largely rumored that the ship will also be the set for the upcoming season of MTV’s “The Real World”.

 

The ship was renamed and commissioned USS William J Clinton when someone realized the USS Blowfish was already taken.

(Update- 8/12/06: The navy has appointed Lt. (jg) John F. Kerry as the first Commanding Officer of the ship. Lt. Kerry is well known for his naval and military strategy expertise, having recently completed advanced training at the French Naval War College. Lt. Captain Kerry has assured the public that sufficient white flags have been requisitioned to ensure there is no mistaking the vessel’s aggressive intent while underway in international waters.)

(Post Update-Update: The Imperial Department of Communications has just intercepted a transmission detailing a weapons upgrade and personnel change for the U.S.S. Clinton. Cynthia McKinney has accepted a position as both Communications and Weapons Officer. Ens. McKinney will be responsible for overseeing the operation of the ship’s Trebuchet capable of launching cell phones at standoff distance. Captain Kerry had requested Ens. McKinney’s assignment to this position and she recently became available for duty. Ms. McKinney brings experience in anti-semitic dialog and swings a mean cell phone as well, and is expected to be a valuable ass-ette to the crew. )

Some things are just too damn funny not to share !!!!- JB (at Nice Doggie.Net)

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One Response to “U.S.S. Clinton Launched”

  1. Rosemary said

    This is too funny. Can we commission them at the Antartic? LOLOL.

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